All relationships involve difficult conversations and human management is no exception.
If you are steering or founding an organization you need to be prepared for the long haul process of stewarding relationships –bringing others ever more closely in line with your vision for change and growth.
During my time coaching leaders on the executive career path, a question that regularly surfaces is how to navigate difficult performance conversations with what we call ‘activist direct reports’. That is –a direct report who is essentially hurling herself against one injustice after another with less and less of herself available for building, creating and leading with each passing battle she picks.
How do you keep the conversation healthy and honor the human you are engaging with?
First and foremost, avoid criminalizing the potent feelings your direct report must be navigating.
Bearing witness is the choice you make instead of becoming defensive or going on the attack. You listen and witness with mutual human compassion.
Human leadership during difficult performance conversations or similar topics is ultimately a spiritual challenge and so my clients have really loved the concept of “bearing witness”.
This means allowing the direct report the space to be on her path, to wrestle with the urgency or upset she is experiencing and to honor the unique life she’s had that brought her to this set of feelings.
When it is your turn to talk, your primary role is to speak calmly to the health of the project and the health of the organization. To stay the course with hopefulness of the project’s ultimate success. Treating your direct report with respect in these cases means keeping your talking points aimed directly at the project’s needs.
In your capacity as leader you can follow this framework to help guide your steps:
- Reflect back the key elements of what your direct report would like to have acknowledged
- State your commitment to the values you share
- Briefly outline a path for organizational victory and
- Describe the valuable role your direct report will have in getting to that ultimate success
The dignity and respect you offer your direct report heightens the contrast between their battle focused mindset and your big picture vision.
As the direct report relaxes her defenses be on the lookout for new leadership potential to emerge where you might not have first expected it.